Be Aware

2006-02-09T13:26:00.000-05:00

Here I am, back in the computer lab. I really should be doing something else with my time...like reading books or doing the things that I paid to do here at college. But there is a force in this room that is keeping me from getting anything done. There is this girl that is sitting on the computer in front of me and to the left. She has captured my attention. I keep looking up at her. I guess that's a bit weird. I bet she's used to it. Her face is pretty. She has some birthmakrs or moles under her eye. I'm finding that pretty attractive right now...I wonder if it's because I thought Cidy Crawford was a babe ever since I was young. So I guess I'll just sit here and think about things...I guess I'll think about the girl sitting across from me. I was told that if you feel an attraction to someone, the other person has that feeling as well.

Well, her boyfriend just walked in and kissed her on the forehead. As he should have. He is nice to her I'm sure. Now she is putting her coat on and leaving...It's funny how that works. People come and go. Sometimes you want to get to know people more than you can. Unfortunately there is some invisible wall that keeps us from doing that. I think I will spend my life trying to get rid of that invisible wall. It honestly pisses me off. It secludes people. It keeps them seperated. And why the fuck was I taught to have standards? That also seems like a waste. I guess when we look for someone to sleep with, we are thinking about the ideal person. If the standards weren't so high, I would be getting laid constantly...as I should be...to meet the demands of my sex drive....Which is something that always gets in the way of my everyday life.

Okay, new update in the computer room...This really cute blond girl is sitting next to me. I'm happy about that...I'm sure I won't talk to her for any reason...and I'm sure she won't say a word to me...Okay, So another girl just waled in here. This girl is phenominal. I actually don't think I ever want to meet her cause it will probably spoil my fantasy. I think she is the most attractive girl at this school. I can't help it, I have seen her since freshmen year. She has golden brown hair and these blond streaks right in the front. I'm pretty much in love with her...I wish I knew more about her...like if she's satisified. She must be. Hopefully I meet her before I graduate...or she moves away...

Well that was a good way to spend some time. That's all I can say. It's just another day inside my head and the computer lab...good times...

Refelctive Blog

2005-12-08T13:02:00.000-05:00

Okay so in conclusion I still don't like the word blog and I think blogging in this class was very beneficial to me.

Sometimes i didnt feel like writing a blog. A few times I just wasn't feeling it, but at other times I loved it. I found myself writing about things that happened to me or observations I made. I really enjoyed the fact that people were going to read my blogs. It was like a way of mass media. Maybe If i said something that was important to me, someone else in the class would be impacted by it. On my last blog I wrote about people and it seemed to be a success. I won the blog of the week. I wrote that blog about 30 minutes before class. It took me about 15 minutes. I was having a blast while I was sitting in the computer lab typing about people around me and things I notice. It was REALLY easy to write that blog. It flowed like a river. I really enjoyed the freedom you offered us in our writing...i will get into that in the next refelctive essay. The blog a good time. It was my favorite part of the course. I still hate writing research papers...sorry... :)

It helped me to find my "voice" seriously...

People

2005-12-06T11:01:00.000-05:00

I am a people watcher. There is no way around it. I can't stop looking at people. I'm addicted to it. They are everywhere; I guess it's not that easy to avoid...but i notice some people do.

For some reason, every time I walk past another person I try to look them in the eyes. I don't really know why I do it, but I do. Maybe it's weird but i really don't care. I don't think people need say "hello" to every stranger that they walk past, but why not acknowledge a human being. I guess when you lock eyes with someone you are pretty much saying hi. So you could even say "hello." People are capable of moving their eyes a little bit. It really doesn't take that much effort.

I would say that overall most people avoid making eye contact. The majority of people don't seem interested. I think they're affraid. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but I'm a big fan of the eye contact. We're all on this planet pretty much doing the same thing. You might as well look up from the sidewalk and check in with the other earthlings. It's a good time. It makes a long walk more interesting and it makes your work get done a lot slower in the library.

Like right now for example, I just started a new paragraph because I leand back in my chair and took a good look around the computer lab. Everyone is really into their computers right now. Some people are flipping through papers. Some girl is talking relatively loud on her cell phone...I'm trying to make eye contact with this girl sitting across from me. I think she's pretty cute. I don't think she feels like giving me the time of day right now though...Maybe i'll see her at some shitty basement party though...you never know.

There it is... some other girl across the room just made eyes with me. She's human... I wonder how many people are either looking at facebook or talking on instant messenger right now...I bet a lot...That's probably what I would be doing if i wasn't in the middle of this blog. Facebook is the easy way to make eye contact with people around here.

Well, in conclusion, I am interested in people. And for some reason I thought you should know. I usually have a hard time getting anything done because I would rather just sit some where and stare. Maybe it's a bad habit, but At least i'm not addicted to cocaine

Another day.

2005-11-08T10:54:00.000-05:00

I fell asleep at around midnight. I squeezed into my sleeping bag in my cold bedroom...still haven't turned the heat on... I'm too cheap. I was hoping for some vivid dreams and I got them. This girl I know showed up in my mind. She was just stopping by for a little while. I'm pretty sure she had to get back to her boyfriend, cause she didn't stay long. My alarm went off and everything ended. I scrambled for a pen because I wanted to jot down the events of last night. I didn't have much to write. I couldn't remember...I fell back asleep. I never push the snooze button. I usually just wake up and pull myself together within a minute or two. Not today. I wanted her to come back. Asleep again. It seemed like eternity. I think I was dreaming again but I don't remember what happened. I woke up, this time I was frantic. I figured I slept well into my class. It's hard to get an education if you sleep through it. I wasn't all that late...but I took my time getting ready. There was no need for a shower, just a little water on the face and some clean teeth. I ate a piece of bread. It was the cinnamon raisin kind. I'm a big fan. I put some clothes on, slipped on my shoes, and got on my bike and rode to school.

I locked my bike up like I always do. I was sweating a bit under all my layers. Riding a mountain bike on the road is a bit of work and it isn't very warm at 8am. I went to door of my class and opened it. I was expecting to see my classmates and an annoyed professor, but the room was empty. Then came the light. It was brightest light I had ever seen; an explosion coming from high in the sky. It was the brightest light imaginable. Its whiteness burned through my eyes and its force blew me back out the door. The building collapsed in front of me. The entire city was gone. My skin was gone. Everyone I knew was gone. I didn't wake up.

for wandering minds.

2005-11-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

Today I have too much to say. There is no way that I could possibly write anything with one subject. My mind is full. My motivation is somewhere around zero and my sex drive is at its normal position; through the roof. I'm real hungary so I think i'll get some food. I'm not in the mood to do any of my school work, but it clearly will not get done on its own. Being lazy is the only thing I want to do right now. I guess this is what scatter brained is all about? not really sure if that's the scientific term. It's beautiful outside. The weather today is like me. Neutral. I'm happy with whatever. I got contacts. I can see great. They're really just for distance though. I need to be able to see everything. Don't know why...but i'm just so damn curious about what's going on over there. I should write a book today. I bet I could fill it up. maybe 200 pages. I don't enjoy reading. It's not bad. But other things float my boat. Here comes a group of students touring the campus. The guy is explaing how amazing the computer lab is. Maybe he even said "notice how hard the students are studying." I should go tell them that college is a joke. But this is the best way to spend thousands of dollars. Right now I wish my tuition was invested in the best recliner ever made and a piece of reeces pie. That's a worthwhile investment. I just scratched the surface. Just like science. We don't really know...Maybe we shouldn't bother? I need to eat. My mind is wandering.

dirty laundry

2005-10-12T12:07:00.000-04:00

The news sucks.
I don't even watch tv, but I'm pretty sure I hate the news.
They really try to make things scary.
It seems the only thing the news really likes to capture is death and destruction (dirty laundry?).

I don't have cable...and I never have, so who am I to say. When I walked out my front door and saw this beautiful woman talking into a camera about my little town getting somewhat destroyed, I was a bit annoyed. They really are scavengers. They obviously don't care about the town, or the people that died due to the storm. They just do their job...but their job is useless. They like to make shit seem worse than it is.

-shoot your tv

Endless Summer

2005-10-03T23:14:00.000-04:00

So I watched this movie the other night...It's call Endless Summer. It's a documentary about surfing. I think it was made in the 70's, it's a bit "retro" (?). It really is an overall boring film, but it's a really cool idea. The title Endless Summer is what the movie is all about. These guys literally follow summer around the world. They surf somewhere, then when it starts getting cold, they grab their boards and take off. How kickass is that? I've only gone surfing a handful of times, but I would take the Endless Summer trip in a hearbeat. I'd probably end up hanging out on the beaches and being lazy...

Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this film is because the narrarator said something that caught my ear. It's a documentary, so the guy is just talking over all the dudes surfing. The line that got me went something like this...

"some guys spend thier whole life looking for the perfect wave...the chances of finding it are 1 and 10 million."

I just think it's crazy that there is such thing as a perfect wave. The thought never crossed my mind that there was such a thing...And I don't even know what would define it...But like I said I'm not really a surfer... I just get this mental image of some surfer riding some wave for miles and then when it finally breaks on the shore, the surfer walks out of the water and knows that that was the perfect wave.

Then I started thinking about life...and how I could relate what this guy said about the perfet wave to my life and this search for whatever we're looking for...if there's anything at all...and then I put the quote in my AIM profile....and now I just wrote about it...wow me...

ps...everytime i try and use the spell check...it doesn't do anything...I think my blogger is broken...whats the deal...

The Lady Downstairs

2005-09-26T22:44:00.000-04:00

This lady is real intense. She is actually still alive because she likes complaining so much. At first I thought it was funny, but at this point i've had enough. It's always something with her. The music is too loud, starting our cars wakes her up, why haven't I mowed the lawn, kill the hornets, you walk too heavy up the stairs, she has said it all...and not just once. It's like what the hell can I do lady? stop living?!

We've had plenty of talks. They usually start like this... "Last night you and your friends WOKE ME UP at 3:30 in the morning." I usually end them with, "Like i've said before, I'm 20 and you're 60." I think she understands that. When she is complaining I've figured out how to appear to be listening, but really not be. It's a good skill to hone...There's really nothing I can do that will make her not complain. Maybe if I took a vow of silence for the duration of my lease she wouldn't bitch? I really don't care that much...and I don't think I should. My roommate and I are not unreasonable at all. The Lady Downstairs is a chronic complainer (there's got to be a disorder like that?).

Well it's a funny thing to deal with. It's one of those things you'll probably deal with at some point in your life. I can tell you now that i'll never be that way when I'm 60. I'm going to be real easy going. It's such a waste of energy to complain. It really get's you no where. The Lady Downstairs has gotten no where with me. She has made it worse for herself by complaning...look at me complaining this whole time...that's terrible...see what she made me do!

Cop cars and Gasoline

2005-09-12T20:36:00.000-04:00

The price of gasoline is $3.08 a gallon near my house. That's a good amount of money...You could be buying things like cheeseburgers or swedish fish, but instead you put gas in your car. You need it to make the thing go. I've been doing some thinking lately and I've been inspired by the police once again.

I study the environment. That's my major (declared about 3 days ago). I have learned about how much our society depends on oil. I have learned to appreciate the engine in my car. I have also learned about the pollution associated with the burning of fossil fuels.

This weekend I was riding my bike around town enjoying the weather. I went to get a coffee at the local corporate-take-over. In the parking lot of Starbucks I noticed a few police cars. I continued on my way in and noticed two police officers chatting over a coffee. I added large amounts of sugar and cream into my iced coffee and went back outside to my bike. The police cars were still there...because the officers who drove them where sitting down inside drinking their coffee. One of the cars was running. It was just sitting there idling, but it was certainly running. Most people probably wouldn't think twice about seeing something like that. Most people probably wouldn't even notice it.

So what's the big deal? $3.08 a gallon is the big deal. Also the fact that the price of gasoline isn't going to go down anytime soon. I don't directly pay taxes in this town, but paying rent to a landlord ultimately does. Not only is leaving the car running costly, but it has a negative impact on the environment. Maybe the guy needed to leave the car running to power all his equipment, but not while he's sitting down drinking coffee.

Go to the bathroom

2005-09-05T22:04:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a bit interesting. I mean things tend to be pretty bland these days, but encountering police officers almost always makes for a memorable time.

It was great to be back. Well i've been here all summer, but it was great to be back with all the crazy college kids. I met up with some of my friends over the weekend and we socialized over some beers.

After a while of sitting around in a dorm room we decided it was time to indulge in an off campus party. We loaded up some backpacks with cold beer and made the trek off campus. We made it to one party, checked it out for a bit, then decided to keep trucking. We eventually found a house with the door open for us (side note: how awesome is it that the people that reside in these houses let random people come in and party! thanks guys). My friends and I found a nice place to stand. We tried the basement for a bit, but it was way too hot. We made the move back upstairs...in front of the door...good air circulation.

I'm guessing 45 minutes had past when we got the hell out of there. It was nice to see the college party deal again. Unfortunately, it never changes. So we left the party, started walking back towards the campus. One friend had to use the restroom. He used the side of a building. At that moment, the fuzz struck. Blue lightening. Constable On Patrol. He go picked up for going to the bathroom...and having a beer in his bag.

Sitting around the police station waiting to bail him out was real interesting. A friend and I sat on the bench waiting to pay 30 bucks to the man in blue. The officers were definitely on edge...most likely because of drive by shooting that occurred earlier in the evening. It was about an hour or so and he came out. I'm sure he was ready to get out of there.

Well let me say this. I'm glad there are police...The truth is, they need to be around. What they do while they are working for the taxpayers is a different story. I don't think arresting people for going the bathroom and having a container of beer accomplishes all that much. If you need to go to the bathroom, just go. It all ends up in the same place eventually. There are bigger problems to deal with. Interesting night...

Not a big fan of the word blog

2005-09-01T12:27:00.000-04:00

This is the first entry in my "blog." I like the idea of this...could be fun...what a country we live in. The internet is wild...